Oyez! Oyez! Oy Vey!

Because I still can't stop being amazed at Pat Robertson's vertical lobbying for God to "Take control" of the Supreme Court a couple weeks back, I spent a bit of my Saturday morning looking further into it....

Of course, you have to realize that even Jesus' confirmation to the High Court would get filibustered by Republicans unless they were assured beyond a doubt that, when the nominee said, "I came that they may have life and have it in abundance," He meant the top 1% of the tax bracket.

"The Supreme Court is the last bastion of liberal power," Robertson claims.... A bastion of liberal power on which seven of nine justices sit by appointment of Republican presidents. But then, no Republican president until now -- not even Ronald Reagan -- has been God's anointed manservant.

So, ever the strictest constructionist around, Uncle Pat wants to rewrite the amendment process by prayer and put the power of judicial appointment in the hands of the Almighty:

• Pray that the person God desires would be appointed to the Supreme Court.

Well, if you want that, all you've gotta do is call a conclave in DC comprised of the pastors of the Evangelical megachurches.... His Eminence, Cardinal Osteen? Or is he too much a loose constructionist because he smiles all the time?

• Pray that the justices of the Supreme Court would rule according to the Constitution as written and not man's opinions.

According to this theory, the Constitution was written by God. Which would mean that: 1. Independence Hall is in Heaven and 2. I live in Heaven. (Wow. It all makes sense.) But, honestly, I highly doubt that God -- not the biggest proponent of slavery, last time I checked -- would decree that slaves were to be counted as 3/5 of a person for purposes of Congressional representation because Virginia was extra-holy in His sight.

• Pray that additional vacancies occur within the Supreme Court.

I didn't hear this prayer uttered during the Clinton administration. And I would bet cash that it expires on January 19, 2009, were President-elect Durbin, Bayh or Biden on deck to take the oath.

• Pray that any plan of the enemy for the Senate confirmation hearing would be thwarted. Take authority over the schemes of Satan concerning the Supreme Court.

Plan of the enemy = Questions = Schemes of Satan. Apparently, God was asleep at the parchment when "advice and consent" came up.

• Pray that justices who believe in a loose interpretation of the United States Constitution be replaced by those who are strict constructionists.

I wouldn't mind this one, but I doubt the "strict construction" being asked of God here is looking out for: 1. the "general welfare," 2. disestablishment, 3. a free press, and 4. dear Judy Miller in jail -- the reality of the latter being the loosest, most activist construction I've seen in a long time. Not to mention Kelo....

People, get ready. Satan schemes on Tuesday....

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